This Issue. Of Forgiveness: A Closer Look!
Matthew 18:35 NIV
"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart."
Recently, a disturbed brother approached me with the question “Can I forgive someone who has not acknowledged his wrong?”
He said he has come under pressure from the church and family members to forgive a brother who has offended him. The offence is grave as it has affected him wholly by which he meant his livelihood has been destroyed etc.
He went on to say that the offender has sent emissaries, just like the traditional “jantuà” (please pardon me if this is not how it is called or spelt).
Initially, I was reluctant to take up the subject as I felt it’s very well-known and understood by all. But then I realised that much of what we do and call forgiveness does not meet the biblical standard.
It appears to me that everyone seems to have his/her own definition, understanding and application!
To some to ignore an offence means forgiveness. To others not talking about it means forgiveness. Yet to others, because there is nothing one can do to the offender he/she says “ I’ve forgiven “! Surely none of these is forgiveness! As a result, many are living hypocritical lives! They pretend as if all is well but in truth, nothing is well.
Let’s look at the practical definition as illustrated by Jesus in this story
Matthew 18:23-27
NIV
"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. [24] As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him.
[25] Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. [26] "At this the servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.'
[27] The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
You would see that before the king “ cancelled “ the debt he had directed that the offender ( servant) be punished. Which directive he withdrew not before but after the servant had acknowledged the offence and put in a plea! Read it,
Matthew 18:26
NIV
"At this the servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.'
From the above it is obvious that “ cancellation” ( forgiveness ) follows a process, there is first the admission /acknowledgement of the wrong ( offence) done.
The king, despite the pleading by the servant decided to “ cancel” the debt. Why did he choose this and not allow the servant to fulfil his pledge?
Beloved, it is the “ admission, the acknowledgement “made by the servant that was what made him do so. Is this not what God does to us? Will God forgive us if we do not admit /acknowledge our sin?
In case you don’t know the “ confession” we make is our” admission “ of guilt. Read this
1 John 1:8-9
NIV
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. [9] If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
“Confession” is “admission”, to confess is to admit ; no one confesses (admits) to something he /she has not done. Can and will God forgive if we do not admit or acknowledge our sin? Until we admit our sin, please let us forget His forgiveness!
Here is where our approach fails to meet the biblical standard Why should we replace the biblical with the “ traditional ?” Why send emissaries to go and ask for forgiveness on your behalf when you’ve not admitted your guilt/offence?
Why must they admit/confess a guilt on your behalf? Were they the ones who committed the offence? This is what traditional wisdom teaches and upholds!
Many have been living under the illusion/deception that they’ve been forgiven a wrong they did just because the person ignored them! Beloved, an ignored offence is a suspended sentence. Until admission ( confession) is made and the offence is not forgiven, it remains on the offence list
I hold the view that until the offender admits his/her offence, and asks for forgiveness he/she is not forgiven. When we sin against God we go to Him, admit our sin and ask to be forgiven.
1 John 1:9
NIV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
In like manner if we admit our wrong and ask for forgiveness our relationship with each other is genuinely restored and we continue from where we left off.
Admission and acknowledgement of wrong is a precondition for genuine and lasting forgiveness! There can be no “ back door “ forgiveness, one must go through the front door!
The traditional approach is a “back door “ impersonal approach any forgiveness under this approach is not genuine and sincere as both the offended and offender don’t trust each other. The evidences are there for all to see.
Let me close with an incident which I’d recorded in the Acts where Paul was humiliated-and jailed. After a while in prison, the authorities sent to get them out through the back door. Paul rejected their “ back door” approach and insisted that they should acknowledge that they acted wrongly.
Read it.
Acts 16:27, 35-39
NIV
[35] When it was daylight, the magistrates sent their officers to the jailer with the order: "Release those men."
[36] The jailer told Paul, "The magistrates have ordered that you and Silas be released. Now you can leave. Go in peace."
(37] But Paul said to the officers: "They beat us publicly without a trial, even though we are Roman citizens, and threw us into prison. And now do they want to get rid of us quietly? No! Let them come themselves and escort us out."
[38] The officers reported this to the magistrates, and when they heard that Paul and Silas were Roman citizens, they were alarmed.
[39] They came to appease them and escorted them from the prison, requesting them to leave the city.
If Paul and Silas were like us, they would have jumped out and the first thing they would do is to look for the magistrates, then go to thank them gleefully with some gift. Yes!
But they insisted that there can be no back door forgiveness , the magistrates must publicly admit that they were wrong.
So if you’ve offended someone and would like to be forgiven do not mistake the offended’s silence to mean he/she has forgiven you. He /she has only suspended any intended action!
He/she may smile, talk, shake hands etc; with you do not mistake these gestures they are open doors and opportunities he/she is extending to you seize it and ask for forgiveness!
My answer to the disturbed inquirer I hope it helps you understand the subject of forgiveness. Please reread it again